Guess what I happened upon on the Super Drama TV channel on cable? Knight Rider! Let's see what happens in this period piece of 80s goodness, complete with big hair, tight jeans, and electronic cars.
In this episode, KITT is "kidnapped," stripped out of the car's shell by Randy, an upstart computer nerd (one who is being used only for his brain by a tall and … quite mannish-looking woman, Adrian.)
Some interesting observations:
KITT's "central processing unit" contains his personality and, uh, apparently, all the electronic detection things he could always do in his car-form, too. So… why was he ever made into car-form in the first place? Moving on…
The villains helpfully discarded KITT's CPU (they never really call it that) in a trash heap, and Michael Knight is able to return him to the Foundation of Law and Government. Apparently, that Foundation carries a lot of weight, because you can just show up without a badge or identification and say you're from the Foundation of Law and Government and get anyone to come clean. But I digress. They put KITT into this long, short black box that is wider and thicker than most DVD players nowadays. Later in the conversation, they say he's been put in PORTABLE TELEVISION. I have luggage that's more portable than that, but everyone in the episode is impressed by the portability of this television.
Michael Knight investigates Randy's house, and his mom says he stays on his computer a lot. Oh! THAT'S what that cabinet is on the table in the corner. That WHOLE THING is his computer, but the 4-inch screen in the center is the monitor! And what are those large file folders you are holding? Oh, those are the FLOPPY DISKS! I had almost forgotten about those things. Click click click whirrrrr… accessing information with WHOOP WHOOP sounds that all computers made in the 80s.
Oh, and about our villain"ess", Adrian? "We don't even know if that's her real name!" says Devin. Yeah, and it sure is genderless, too. Gah. Shudder. Yikes. What she DOES have lots and lots of poofy 80s hair. Kinda like David Hasselhoff, too, come to think of it. Every time this "woman" tries her seductive ways on the various characters, I get to shout "EWW" at the TV. And that was quite a lot.
Randy remote-controls KITT with an Atari video game joystick. (Well, after randomly stabbing the keyboard several times.) The kind that's just a black stick with a red button on the corner.
Adrian wants to use KITT's laser power pack to heist a bunch of art on its way from San Francisco to Denver. Shouldn't she just use the laser itself? Heh.
So here's how you stage an art robbery-- Use the "computer override" from KITT to turn off the motor of the moving armored car. (Huh?!) Use a laser power pack to burn a rectangle in the side of an armored car. Watch as the guards' bullets bounce off KITT's plating. Shoot the guards while they're distracted from the safety of your own small platform truck, the kind that conveniently is the same height as the rectangular hole of the armored car. Force Randy at gunpoint to physically drive KITT in order to "finish" off Michael Knight, who is coming in a beat-up podunk Edsel to foil the scene. This is the key point here-- you CAN'T do this by remote control and you CAN'T drive it yourself even tho Randy has taken the automatic driver out. Actually, scratch that last point. This part didn't work out so well for Adrian.
"I can't believe you double-crossed me!" Adrain tells Randy. "I CAN!" says Michael Knight, his arm around Randy's shoulder. … EW!
But… but… they never Turbo-Boosted to save the day?! Ah, there we are. In the final seconds of the show, they Turbo-Boost into a freeze frame to celebrate being returned to the status quo at the end of the hour. Yay, Knight Rider!
In other news, there's a Knight Rider 2008 in the works as a made-for-TV movie, with a GT Mustang as the new KITT. Oh, and after a few seconds of research, my apologies go out to Ann Turkel, who was the villain of today's episode (actually spelled "Adrianne"), and who apparently was also featured in the 1981 photo art book, The Most Beautiful Women.