"He's Incredible! He's... the HULK!" the television is running that entertainment special again, full of clips showing the Hulk in action against bug-eyed monsters, giant robots, and Toad Men. The hyper-kinetic music is even one of Ricky Jones' top ten hits! All of this frustrates Dave Cannon, so he breaks his foot-tapping impatience by zooming out of the room as fast as his hyper-spinning power can take him. "Two can play at this game..."
***
Elsewhere, another Avenger is being watched, but this time under entirely different means! Where? Nothing less than the fabled land of Asgard, beyond the cosmos. Who? It is the Enchantress, mystic maid Amora, swirling the waters of her scrying pool in order to peek upon the Earth. She wants to return to Loki's side, but laments that he must be trapped upon the mundane Earth.
There! It is Loki, his face full of impatience, and he is arguing. He demands to be let out. But from where? Ah, there it is now. He's actually yelling from behind a mirror. The man looking into the mirror? Dirk Garthwaite. It strikes a funny picture, seeing the burly construction worker Dirk arguing with his mirror reflection, which happens to be the lanky, gaudily-dressed Loki. Dirk reminds Loki the two are bonded, thanks to the Loki's helmet that he found, but Loki has to allow Dirk to go to work every once in a while. No money means no existence for them both!
As Dirk leaves, his apartment, the Enchantress drops the enchantment on her pool, because she hears someone coming. It is the evil Skurge, the Executioner! He demands to know, by order of Odin himself, why Amora has been to Earth. Amora dodges the answer, complimenting Skurge on his recent victory against the Frost Giants. She leans in close, tracing his arms with her fingers and blowing into his ear. Was it magic or merely her feminine charms? In any case, Skurge softens, vacantly remarking that Odin's decrees must not be tampered with, and some Asgardian presence was sensed briefly upon Earth. He declares he will personally attend to the matter, and if Loki dislikes his current punishment, he may find it pales to the punishment Skurge himself is authorized to administer! The Enchantress sighs as Skurge tramps out of the woods. This could get complicated...
***
Dave Cannon, now in costume, entered the Emerald Heights Tower, headquarters of the Avengers, but he wasn’t here to go to the top floors. Instead, he made it only to the 35th Floor, headquarters of the HulkBoosters. Their logo emblazoned the foyer, with a subtitle below in small green letters: “Management & Oversight & Representation For All Things Incredible.” Cannon confronted the two men in suits and power ties, who seemed to be conferring with the secretary. “Seemed” being the operative word, as there was nothing but awkward silence. Had Cannon interrupted something? They weren’t *supposed* to be just standing there, right?
Introducing himself with his characteristic aplomb, Cannon said that from now on, you could call him “WHIRLWIND,” and he was interested in marketing his costumed identity just like the Hulk does, giving a brief demonstration of his super-speed, super-spinning, flying for short distances, and fantastic sense of balance. The secretary and suits were unimpressed, however. They gave their response automatically, almost robotically. “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.” Whirlwind was upset—after all, he WAS one of the Hulk’s teammates in the Avengers. But he could see that he was getting nowhere. What sad excuses for marketing executives! Excusing himself, he wondered… how much did the Hulk know about these jokers, anyway?
Once Whirlwind was gone, the secretary, as deadpan as ever, switched a button to talk over a comm link. “Leader,” she intones. “Supplemental update, 1425 hours…”
***
The Black Knight leans over the back of Beelte’s chair while she is hard at work scouring through various documents in multiple windows on the impossibly-huge computer screen. He compliments the Beelte’s detective skills-- very impressive the way she is able to track the movements of Thor and Iron Monger, the only members of the Masters of Evil who were able to escape from the affair with the Sleepers. “Thanks,” comes her off-handed retort, “if only the boys in blue could see me now.” The Black Knight thinks they were only trying to protect her, as a member of the fairer sex. What’s THAT supposed to mean? Ah, well, it’s just that, women in general… Oh, here we go! The Beetle stands up in a huff. The Black Knight bows low (he’s too chivalrous to do otherwise), but his flowery speech simply digs himself deeper. The Beetle shuts the door on him as she exits, but she bows her head low. Why does this work her up so much? Is she secretly afraid that, no matter how much she fights against the idea, that she really is nothing but weak … powerless … frail.
***
POW! Smash! Ba-Boom! The Hulk rips up whole chunks of the mountainside to throw at Tomazooma, the Living Totem! “Take that!” calls Ricky Jones. But the Totem can’t hear him—it’s just the boss level for the Hulk video game! Whirlwind comes spinning in, blocking Jones from the television. He wants to know what kind of game Ricky is playing at. The Green Teen himself tries to look around Whirlwind, saying it’s the new Hulk® Monster Slam Jam™ But it’s too late. The game-Hulk gets clobbered, and the screen changes to the HulkBooster HQ, asking him to “Play Again?” with the silhouette of a giant, misshapen head labeled “The Leader says you have been lowered to Gamma Guppy.”
Whirlwind isn’t swayed, and he asks what Ricky really knows about the HulkBoosters. They’re great, Ricky explains, still playing with the game, and he goes on to say how they jumped in almost immediately after his first public appearance They helped him become a celebrity instead of something hated and hunted down. But what about this “leader?” Who is he? Has Hulk ever seen him? Well, not exactly…
That’s when Ricky’s bracelet started beeping. Hee! No time for inquisitions! Avengers Assemble!
Captain America has called everyone to the war room. Now that he has combined various decommissioned army machines with the surveillance equipment in the Hulk’s resources were able to provide, the Avengers now have the most sophisticated trouble-spot warning system in the world. Case in point—a rise in seismic activity in Southwest, an area known for its rock-solid stability. A great threat is rising from below, and the Avengers must be there to heed the call for danger!
But what about the Trickster and the Enchantress? Shouldn’t we get their help? Captain America slams his fist on the table. There’s no time! We must leave at once! “This could be the day of my—OUR destiny!” Sure, Cap… Ricky speaks for everyone, “I mean, duh.”
***
The Avengers’ jet-copter circles the area where the reports have come in. The Hulk is old hat at this now, and the on-board sensors can pick up large areas of infrared heat, obviously where the monster lies! (The Hulk pretends not to hear Whirlwind’s remark that today’s equipment demonstration is brought to you by the mysterious folks of the HulkBooster Corporation.) Before the copter can even land, however, an impossibly shadow crosses over it!
Time to bail! With the copter engulfed in flames behind them, the Avengers fly/leap/are carried (each in their own inimitable style) out of the exploding vehicle with but moments to spare! They land, forced to confront their attacker—the imposing, tall figure of Dragon Man! On the other side of them, the dragon-like Jabberwock! The Beetle recognizes these beasts—but where is . . . “The Mole Man!” the Hulk recognizes the short-statured hero-slash-explorer. Stand aside, Moley! There be monsters about!
The Mole Man scoffs. “And what know you of monsters? You are no worse than a big game hunter, exploiting your encounters with giant beasts as if it is sports for the masses! Begone! There is nothing that concerns you here!”
Captain America won’t back down. He’s determined to get to the bottom of whatever is causing the trouble in the local area. The Captain strides onward, using a portable device to guide his steps. The Mole Man screams a warning-- No, if there needs to be any protection for this area, he and his ‘friends’ can do it just as well themselves. But Captain America isn’t stopping. He just has to make sure… The Mole Man gives one last warning. The Captain still walks forward. “So be it!”
The Mole Man fires a blast from his staff, intent to serve as a warning shot, but it clips Captain in the back. This is all the permission Dragon Man and Jabberwock need! They descend upon the Avengers, roaring in their fury. The Black Knight’s armor cuts through the fiery breath of Dragon Man! The Jabberwock swats down on the Hulk, but he catches the leviathan’s paw, making it a stalemate. Whirlwind zooms over to the Mole Man, his tornado-spinning sending a series of fists raining over and over and over the poor hero’s head. The Beetle checks on Captain America, but he’s fine, urging her to get back there and help the others.
With a bellow, Dragon Man snatches the Black Knight out of the air and repeatedly bangs him into the earth. The Knight’s Ebony Armor certainly protects him, but the repetition is too much, too disorientating! Could a concussion be far behind? Jabberwock tries to fling the Hulk away, but he’s too tenacious. Jabberwock results to bringing his jaws down on him, biting the Hulk until Ricky yells out in pain! The Beetle uses her suction-fingertips and augmented-leverage to uproot a giant tree to swat at Dragon Man, and Whirlwind gives up on the Mole Man to fly upward to the Jabberwock’s face. The distractions are enough—both monsters drop their respective prey, allowing the Avengers to regroup their efforts. The Hulk leads the fray, crossing the distance in one mighty leap to land the Jabberwock a solid uppercut with a BOOM! that echoes through the whole mountain. The battle rages in full force, now!
The Mole Man offers words of encouragement to his “friends,” but he quickly realizes he’s too distracted. Captain America? Gone! Drat, he must have been feigning injury and continued into the caverns!
Indeed, Captain America has already made his way deep inside, lighting his way with the ionic fires of the Liberty’s Torch. There! His Torch need not light the area anymore—that huge, glowing pink man is doing so himself! Weird! It looks like a 10-foot man, made entirely of living molten lava!
Although it doesn’t appear so, Captain America nevertheless asks the lava man “Are you he?” The creature turns, its mighty head giving no indication that it understands the Captain’s cryptic remark. It is too tired, too … sad?
The Mole Man has caught up, quickly enough. He tells Captain America that as far as he can tell, this is King Molto, of the Lava Men. His race was destroyed when it attempted to move some alien substance he calls “the Living Rock,” and Molto was the only survivor. If you could call it that. The Mole Man explains, “His anguish so overwhelmed by empathy that I was forced to stop my travels to Monster Isle to uncover its source.” When Molto is ready, the Mole Man will offer Monster Isle as a haven. Captain America understands, but the Mole Man simply frowns. “Do you? Do you really?”
Later, the Avengers and the Mole Man shake hands, making amends. The Hulk, in particular, wants to say he’s sorry, but the Mole Man has a hard time taking him seriously. Should the Hulk wish to continue to be famed across the land as a “monster hunter,” than this might not be the first clash between them!
“Speaking of monsters,” the Black Knight wishes to excuse his behavior earlier with the Beetle. He hopes to be more of a gentlemen, later, toward the lady. But that just sets the Beetle off again. “See? You have to add that ‘lady’ business at the end, don’t you? Jeez, you just don’t get it!” “What?” the Knight throws the questions at his comrades, but they look away and laugh. Teammates or no, some “battles” are best to be fought alone!
Captain America doesn’t share his friend’s revelry. He looks off into the distance, as if searching…
Cover and text by Danny Wall
What is it about the Flipside Avengers? They always seem to get faux covers based on *other* titles! In this case, it's Fantastic Four #12, best known as the first-ever Marvel crossover between the FF and the Hulk. Check out the way-cool FF Plaza.com's summary at http://www.ffplaza.com/library/?issue=ff12
Posted by: Danny Wall | May 07, 2007 at 03:02 PM