Why didn't *I* think of this? I'm not sure whether I should like this or be upset that it took a random button click on comicvine.com's Battle page to come up with this combination:
And yes, Milk is a real character, albeit one for a humor magazine.
And yes, I did post about Milk (and Cookies) elsewhere on this site...
Free-for-All Brawlin'!
HE is a giant, anthropomorphic glass pitcher of ice-cold sugary fruit drink! THEY are miscellaneous pseudo-demons of heat and thirst in a giant spaceship!
Together, they are this weeks' Friday Night Fights!
First of all, we meet the Thirsties, in space for some reason. They ride in a Thirstie-shaped space station. As luck would have it, Kool-Aid Man and his child-friends who often yell his name at the top of their lungs to summon the avatar of fruit punch flavored drink have happened upon a real-life rocket ship among the offerings in a state fair, and Kool-Man just happened to lean against the "on" switch. Oops! Good thing that fifth grade student can pilot a starship!
Good for you, token minority! But at some point, it comes time for a giant pitcher of high-calorie, high-fructose liquid to strap on a jetpack and "zooom" into outer space. And what should happen if the evil pseudo-demons don't answer the airlock door? Why, burst it down by running through it, of course! Oh, yeah!
Firing lasers outside the spaceship didn't work, so maybe firing their patented "Thirst Ray" might work. With a snide attitude belying his smiling face, Kool-Aid Man informs everyone that "no ray can make [him] thirsty," presumably because he has no internal digestive system. Naturally, this results in "Thirst Ray" feedback that is sufficient enough to overload the canon (sic), and the Thirsties lose, despite such a condition being negligible on any kind of "fun" scale.
And those three Thirsties must have been all the forces of opposition present on the spaceship, for the Big Thirstie appears on the video monitor to issue vague threats. Kool-Aid Man mistakes snark for being cool and flies back out of the hull breach he caused in the first place, presumably aided by the sudden and precipitous drop of air pressure.
And thus the world is saved for summer drinks that stain your tongue red.
from The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man #1 (1983), creators uncredited
Here's how it all goes down!
* Take a look at all of Fights participants, hosted by spacebooger.com!
* Before Sunday at 11PM (EST), cast your vote for the best Friday Night Fights by posting a comment on that site! Voting is encouraged and will be open to all visitors and participants.
* The winner of the round will be posted on that site the following Tuesday, with the Pre-Fight Rules for next time!
Big Thirstie, a horrible demon of thirst and sworn enemy of anthropomorphic pitchers of fruit drink everywhere, has taken over a fully-automated "house of the future," or as its inventor Professor Kline has dubbed it, a "home computer." Granted, this story takes place in 1985, so most home computers actually *were* the size of houses. Thankfully, the giant glass pitcher known as Kool-Aid Man is able to burst through walls (yes, even "walls of the future") whenever his friends shout his name at the top of their lungs.
Also thankfully, the weapons of Big Thirstie (here disguised as the Compu-Terror), consists only of throwing household electronics like vacuum cleaners and blow driers the size of television sets in *extremely slow motion.* How extremely slow? Four panels' worth! Check out the Compu-Terror caught in the act, below:
Technically, I:m not *really* taking a break from my coverage of Marvel villains, as The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man #3 (1985) was published by Marvel Comics Group, with story by Jim Salicrup and art by Dan and Jim DeCarlo, but still...
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